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“On Dating A Single Parent?? – Not Likely”


I received an email yesterday from a loyal CEO blog reader (who shall remain anonymous) and they wrote this:

“Hey There Tracy”,

“I love your blog and have been a follower for quite sometime now. You don’t talk about dating much I’m sure this part of your private life, you keep separate from your public blog but I’m curious to know, if you would date a single divorcee with child?”

“I’m sure as a single woman like yourself, you can come and go wherever and whenever you want too and you answer to no one. You probably work overtime anytime, hit the happy hour or the gym after work, take weekend trips or long trips and sleep in on weekends. A singles lifestyles and that of married father are like night and day.”

“You clearly have a freedom that most wouldn’t want to give up.”

“So my question to you is, would you date a man with a child or children, I’m curious to know?”

“Some of my friends feel, that single folks should date other singles and single parents should date single parents.”

First off, I never hit-up “Happy Hours” because I don’t drink. I do however, agree with his friends.

Dating a man or hooking up with a man who has children is a turn off for me. Divorced men with children automatically come into the relationship with attached baggage and that’s one responsibility that is beyond my emotional scope of reasoning.

I’ve witnesses a lot of emotional and physical drama from broken relationships where children are involved, and would never wish to subject myself in parts of any of it. 

That’s my stance in this situation and on this subject…What are your thoughts, CEO fam? Please share them with me!

93 thoughts on ““On Dating A Single Parent?? – Not Likely””

  1. Trace please GTFOH!!!! Suppose Romeo have a kid, he might just sweep you off ya feet. You are narrowing down your choices IMO. And what if he has bank? I bet you would change your talk quick.

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    1. It’s not about the money. She clearly said: emotional drama. IMO drama period. Dude would have to do a lot of sweeping in order to change her mind.

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  2. As a single parent myself, I know that life doesn’t end when you have a child. It just becomes more complex… if a man can see that I hold down my household, he should respect that and see that I’m not about games. Before having my son I couldn’t imagine playing “stepmom” to someone’s kid, but now I know that as long as the parent is PARENTING correctly it won’t effect any future relationships…period…

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    1. That’s the issue. what single woman is gonna wanna raise another woman’s kid? Or be around this child. and god forbid the mama is bitter. Ooh lawd.

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  3. If you’re a single parent there are some things you shouldnt be doing anymore (etc. Clubbing and staying out late.) But if you’re not happy, then neither will your children be.
    When it comes to dating single parents, kids should be introduced right off the bat if you plan on being serious with this person. But disciplining them shouldnt come until after marriage or unless this is a long term ordeal.

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    1. I would have to disagree with you on introducing the kids right off the bat; why, because you don’t know if you and the person you are dating are going to make it past the dating stage. and you dont want to introduce your kid to every tom dick and harry, thats not good. I feel you should wait until u at least know for a fact where things are going with a person before any introductions take place.

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    1. It depends on the parent in the relationship. No man or woman is going to allow his child to disrespect the man/and or woman’s he’s with. That would cause problems.

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      1. That’s why it’s called “DRAMA”. Some woman keep the kids away because the daddy dealin wit someone else and vice versa. Drama. Situations like this cause DRAMA.

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  4. I disagree with the disciplining part no step parent should discipline a child that’s not his leave that up to the biological parent(s).

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    1. Let’s say a single parent has to work on a Saturday and asks their husband/wife to watch their kids. You don’t believe that that person has the right to discipline that child? That adult doesn’t have the right to tell a child to behave or sit down or apologize to your little sister?

      You took vows with this person but don’t have enough TRUST to allow them to discipline your children? That sounds absurd.

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      1. If you are a single parent and you want to date, you will have to take responsibility for your child’s behavior. If you can’t handle that not everybody will excuse “disrespectful behavior” from a child….stay single until that child leaves your home.

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      2. It is totally unrealistic to marry someone, take vows, and then not trust them to reasonably discipline your children. It’s pretty absurd.

        If a stepparent is watching the kids when the biological parent is at work, you mean to tell me you don’t approve of the stepparent disciplining a child…telling a child to stop misbehaving, go to their room, or apologize to their little sister?

        That’s crazy!!

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      3. I agree with you on that. It’s really up to the adults involved. I used to say I would never date a guy with kids…for various reasons. My current boyfriend has a 5 yr old son and we discussed discipline. He brought it up and I told him “hey that’s all you..he ain’t mine”. But we now have the agreement that I am to discipline his son as need be. My man told me he preferred it that way because his son needs to learn to respect me as an adult, because there will be times where I am the only one there (and waiting hours til he gets home defeats the whole purpose).

        Plus, the more we talked about it, we realized it’s only fair. Our relationship is serious and we plan to marry and have a child..how would that make our child feel? Here he/she is- getting disciplined by both of us- when the stepchild only has to deal with one?

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  5. Women (and some men) should start thinking deeper. If you love a man enough to marry him then let him be the man of the house. A step parent should discipline a child if he/she is out of place. If you let your mom, grandma and other people in the family discipline your child then why not the person that you trust and love enough to marry? That’s why so many kids are messed up now because most moms are over protected and kids think they can get away with everything. If you don’t trust the person you are seriously dating or about to marry to discipline your child then you should reconsider dating him/her. In most cases the other parent is messed up is the reason that you want better for your child. If you have a good mate, let him step up to the plate and handle home like it should be. Stop saying you not his daddy so don’t hit my child. What kind of person does it make you if you live with him and sleeping with him every night?

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  6. In the past I’ve dated a man that had a daughter, and I have one word for that experience….DRAMA!!!

    His daughter didn’t accept me. Every time I tried to hold a conversation with her she went on this

    “YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!!!!” tangent.

    I agree with Tra.

    Not worth the drama.

    Majority of the time the child just won’t accept you, which is understandable but I refuse to date anymore single parents.

    Carryon.

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    1. You did yourself a favor by leaving. Move on and find a person with some common sense that knows how to raise their kids correctly.

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  7. First I would have to see how a man is around his child(ren). It’s a plus when he’s focused on education, respect and how to be a good strong person. Then you know that you met a very good person. You can see how a person really is if he/she has kids. I wish my kids would get smart with a man that I introduce them to. Not in this lifetime.

    Stop letting your child choose who you date. You think they are going to listen to you when they get older and you tell them? First see if there’s a reason why the child doesn’t like the person. If it’s because they want you all to themselves then you need to put your child in check.

    I have friends that thinks it’s cute when their youngers will say rude things to the adults they date. Most of yah don’t see that you look like big old fools when you say that. I met a guy that said he doesn’t date women that his 11 yr old daughter doesn’t like. I cut it off with him right away before meeting her because I already saw who was running the house.

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  8. Tra.,
    Dating period can be drama. Dating a single parent doesn’t have to be difficult as long as there’s communication and the persons that’s dating the single parent knows his or her boundaries.

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  9. I’m a 32 year old Mom of 3 children. Since I ended my relationship a few months back, I’ve put myself out there on the dating scene. What I have realized as a single mother that works 9 to 5, ripping and running after work to spend QT with my children, taking them to dance class, or drama class on weekends… I simply don’t have the time to date. I get potentials, but they always ask “When can I see you.” I feel like saying probably never. So for me, my kids come first. Even if I run into a single father, we would then have to worry about blending families, which, may work, or may not. Life is hard as it is. I’ll date when my youngest goes to college.

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    1. You go girl!!! That’s what my divorced GF did. She remained single, put her kid thru college now the girl is engaged to be married. So she’s FREE to date whomever she wants.

      I say you’re doing the right thing. Focusing on the child and putting your love life on hold is the way to go for some mothers.

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      1. I think thats kinda sad 😦 really I do.

        Everybody deserves to be loved and to have somebody. You put ya life on hold like that, you may as well KILL the flesh.

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    2. @KACY

      Now you KNOW that you are lying. Once your body begins to urge companionship and sex……..you’ll be out there like eer’body else. Don’t get me wrong…..what you said was admirable, but realistically impossible. Humans were meant to desire the opposite sex. Goodluck to you, but I say get real!

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  10. Wow, I think this topic will create a VERY interesting & lively discussion considering how many single parents there are in the Black Community and how outspoken & opinionated people can be up in this spot…

    Let the opinions & disrespect begin…

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  11. The only good side of dating a single mom is that she’s less likely to hear her biological clock kicking like a bass drum, thus lowering the (blood) pressure on a dude.

    The bad sides.

    -You’ll always be #2.
    -You gotta be careful where and when ya’ll do your thang.
    -Inevitable “You ain’t my daddy!”
    -No spontaneity. “I’d like to, but I can’t find a babysitter.”
    -Dealing with her ex(es).
    -All of the sacrifices of being a “daddy.” with none of the “rights.”

    Me say, no thanks.

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      1. Yes and it was “NOT” for me. That’s why I know Trace and i were meant 2b 2gether. she’s unattached and so am I.

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  12. I won’t date woman with kids.

    I also don’t like having sex with women that have had kids either. That thang gets too stretched out lol.

    I like my women tight like a vice grip. Don’t give me the whole “kegal excercises make it snap right back” cause that’s a lie. lol.

    Once something 8 pounds and 7 ounces comes outta you, there ain’t no “snapping back” I don’t care how many kegals you do. lol

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    1. You sir sound very childish and uneducated. Not only does it “snap” back to it’s former shape. It also is just as tight as it was before that woman had a child.

      Why do you think they tell you not to do anything for six weeks. Maybe you should get off of the CEO’s spot and go pick up a book before speaking.

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  13. Its just not worth the pain and effort. From what I’ve seen the kids are typically spoiled or just bad as hell.

    If the child treats you bad or cuts up the parent will almost always take the child’s side and claim your are too hard on the kid BECAUSE you aren’t the child’s parent.

    Plus, these guys know that their baby mommas are holding torches for them, hoping they will one day marry them.

    They know if they have a problem with the main chick they can always return to the bed of their baby mommas.

    I agree with Tracy..Don’t CO-SIGN the drama.

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    1. I agree with you Viv.
      The mother of the children will always have a thing for the father and my mom has told me many times to never date a guy with kids as they can always run back to their kids mother when there is discord in the relationship.

      It must be understood that if you date a man/woman with kids, you will always be in second place and if you cant handle it dont be in a relationship like that. myself, I prefer to be #1 and not take a back seat so I wouldn’t choose a relationship like that. its that simple.

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      1. I have to disagree my sons father and I don’t go back and fourth and I was in a relationship for 6 years and he didn’t feel second now yes there is always a connection and I come first but not in the way that most ppl would think

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      2. CoCo
        Most people are not adult enough to take the stance that once a relationship (sexual and emotional)is over that it is over and no going back and fourth. but to me it would be very important that if i was to date a man with kids that he does treat his ex with respect along with taking care of his kids.

        What better indication of what kind of man he is if he doesnt treat the mother of his children with respect. that would be a major red flag for me.

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  14. There are just too many dramatic variables to deal with. I don’t bother with men who have kids and as I get older it’s getting harder and harder to find a good black man who doesn’t have 6 kids and 8 baby mommas.

    I agree with blog queen on they whys?

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  15. i agree dating in gerneral is ‘not all that wonderful’, but as a single person, i can’t complain!!

    I LOVE the ‘GET UP N’ GO’ life, eatin’ cereal 4 dinner n’ not worryin’ about who needs REAL food!!!

    Dating some1 with a child doesn’t really bother me b/c @ the end of the day….I REALLY DON’T WANNA MEET UR CHILD!!!!

    if a time n’ date comes n’ it happens i’ll deal w/ it, but 2 be honest I’VE ALWAYS AVOIDED it or flat out said “NO!!”

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  16. IMO, I do Not and will Not date or even entertain the thought of dating, let alone getting serious with someone with a child or kids, NOWay, Nohow. it is just NOT for me.

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  17. Ok, let’s see>>where do I start with this: I have no children and yes, I would date a man with (children) depending on the circumstances.

    I would not date a man with multiple children by different women. I would not date a man who was not involved with his children. I would not date a man who would allow his children to disrespect me.

    End of story people.

    But carry on.

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  18. I don’t think every person you date should be introduced to your children …but if you see your relationship progressing and that’s the next step so be it.

    In regards to disciplining children, that would be up to the adults involved…some are okay with it while others are not. But if we are going to be a family unit then it’s obviously something that needs to be discussed.

    As a person with no children, it’s obviously easier to date someone who does not have any either but in the world we live in today, it’s not always a reality (teenage pregnancies, divorce, etc).

    In the end, communication is key.

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  19. Oh, and a man with children is a package deal…you have to like him AND his seed. When you invision a future, all must be included.

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  20. Well, damn. I feel a number of ways about this and I can relate to all of the people above.

    I’m divorced and have a son myself and I have to say that I tend to stay away from single men with no kids.

    Men who don’t have children really don’t understand why you just can’t get up and go. You can’t call me at 7 to meet you at 7:30!!!! I have to plan these things and noooo you can’t come over.

    Men with children tend to understand that you need time to plan. They are low maintenance, don’t need a lot of vanity and attention, just companionship and an ear most of the time. They appreciate the little gestures like taking time to text goodnight or having their favorite beer and ice cream in your fridge. They appreciate a clean house and good smelling candles, that’s pretty impressive to the ones I’ve dated because they know how difficult it is to find time to brush your own damn teeth when you have kids!!! I like single men with children.

    I can’t imagine loving another child like I love my son!!! I never thought about it like that but it hits close to home.

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  21. I’ve dated both (single and single parents) and it has never been a problem for me becuz i absolutley dont interfere.

    But in my case the children were well behaved and we got along great becuz they were well behaved and they understood that i was not there to take their father away or replace their mom.

    However I must say that I prefer to date single men becuz its easier. I am not a mother yet and would prefer to have my first child with someone who it will be his first too. Do what is comfortable for u, not everyone can deal with being with a single parent and there nothing wrong that.

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    1. As a woman with no child, I can fully agree with your statements.

      Only once did I experience a rude child, but the relationship was very brief. Aside from that, I’ve been lucky..no baby mama drama either. In fact, me and the moms get along just fine. My last relationship both the maternal mother and grandmother hated the father, but hey LOVED me. lol

      But I agree with your statement.

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  22. If you’re a step parent, that means you’re married to the biological parent, you’re just as much in control of the household as they are. To say step parents should NOT discipline is absolutely rididiculous, and a bit out of touch w/reality,

    Who’s gonna sit up in a house with a kid(s), pay bills, clean, put food on the table, love those kids, etc, but be banned from telling them what they can or can’t do or discipine them??? Get real.

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  23. To date a man with kids, a woman has to realize that she will be #2 UNTIL they get married.

    Alot of single women with NO kids do not understand the love of a parent to a child, which some may call selfish

    BUT, alot of times the man & child (ren) come with BAGGAGE: debt, baby mama drama, ex-wife drama, etc. This is the scenario that most ppl who date others with kids have to deal with.

    If a woman is willing to sacrifice for 1-2yrs being #2, i say go for it. If u cant handle it, dont even try.

    If Junior gets sick on a Friday nite when u had plans to go to dinner, u cant be mad U have to be understanding.

    If Keisha told Junior to tell u “U not my mama” u have to be patient.

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  24. The kids come first period – all these sideline ho’s talking bout no they don’t are the reason so many of our kids are aimless.

    The child didn’t ask to be here and once it comes your life as you knew it, is done and that child comes first period – everything else takes a back seat – now putting the child first does not mean letting them run your life. I am saddened that so many women came on here with that stink attitude like they come before the child – just selfish and immature.

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  25. Number 1 priority should be YOUR SPOUSE. If yall ain’t clickin, nothing else will and the kids will grow up seeing dysfunction and a lack of genuine love. Just because the kids ain’t #1 don’t mean they ain’t important. All that “put kids first” sh*t is why so many people raise kids and get divorced 2 months after they leave the house… cuz you put your energy into being distracted by your kids instead of letting them share in the life you created with your wife/husband.

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  26. Understanding and patience with a single parent is what will make the relationship work, and making the right choices in partners is a must for single parents. Don’t be having a different man or woman in your bed every six months since you are the role model in your child’s growth and development.

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  27. I don’t date women with kids cause the vagina is too loose compared to the other girls without kids. You can really tell the difference once you get it wet and start working it out. It feels like you making love to a cup of warm water. lol

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    1. @CeoDawg, if you are going to be a shit-starter have something logical to say. The sad thing is that you are probably a grown ass imbecile of a man with nothing sensible to say.

      You sadden me and make me want to weep for your kids if you have any. (Hopefully you don’t [have any kids] so I can only weep for you).

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      1. Why do you wanna hate on me because of my preference for tighter vaginas? Sounds to me like you have a cavernous vagina and are insecure about it so you’re taking it out on me. Don’t hate on the tight vagina lovers of the world. We are good people!!

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  28. Let me tell ya’ll.
    I am talking to a man that was married for 15yrs, divorced for 3. He was and/is a COMPLETE EMOTIONAL WRECK!

    He wanted me to meet his kids after about 3mos of talkng & I politely said “No.” He was like “U dont want 2 meet my kids?! Who’s gonna help me comb their hair this summer?” Im like “IDK but it aint me!”

    I just didnt want the drama. Women can be evil, let alone a 46 y/o ex-wife & Im only 30. His ex-wife woulda tried to eat me alive for even TOUCHING his kids hair. Plus his daughters are 9, so that means, if we were to stay 2gether, i would have to go thru puberty with them while the ex-wife goes thru menopause- – HEll Naw!!!

    I would be inviting drama, malice, viciousness and bullshit into my life. Some doors u need NOT open.

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    1. Tracy that’s why when I saw your post I was like “now dats whatz up” she’s right up my alley with this convo. I gotta chime in on this. lol.

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  29. Well, my son is 16 now but his step dad came in the picture when he was 2. From the get go I made it clear this was my gig.

    He patiently sat back and watched how I communicated, cared for and disciplined my son. As we became more serious and decided that marriage was in the future he sat me down and said “I respect what you do and you’re a great Mom, thats why I want to marry you. However, we need to be a team. This is the way I was raised and disciplined.”

    Together we set new rules and made an agreement about how things were going to be. I never chose him over my son, we both loved him and his best interest was always first.

    My husband just made a point to let him know I’m not your Dad but I love you like my own and anything I do for you or the way I discipline is what I think is best for you and I would do to my own biological kids too. From then on their relationship has been about love, trust and respect. You ask my son and he will tell you I have 2 Dads, You ask my husband and he will say I have 2 kids.

    We have a 7 yr. old together.

    And for all that’s good in the world don’t bring over every man to meet your child. It confuses the hell out of them and you look like a hoe. And we all know hoes get no respect. If you want your kids to respect you, respect yourself first!

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  30. I don’t have kids and I really don’t want a man with them.

    I’m not totally against it because in this day age everybody has babies around my age (23) I’m the last out of all my friends. The last guy I was dating was a single father to his 15 month old. It didn’t work out and I’m glad.

    It got annoying when I was trying to see him at night and he would tell me he couldn’t move because “the little one” was sleep on him. I mean really if I do see another guy with a child his kid has to be atleast 10. Its so hard finding a single sexy stable man without kids but if I find one I’m holding on to him.

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    1. Damn! U cant find a single guy with no kids at 23?! WTFFFFFF

      I do think u can find a single guy with NO kids but he may not be sexy. Pick ur battles youngin’

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  31. Where do half of you people come from? Single parenthood is rampant in the black community (unfortunately).

    Yet the majority of you don’t want to date single parents. I really, really do understand those without children who won’t date those who do have children, but some people on here aren’t even open to it or even the remote possibility.

    Every situation is different. I personally am a single parent who will ONLY date single parents who are highly involved in their children’s lives. If they live with the father, this is even more of a turn on for me. Good fathers often know what sacrifice is and often make good life partners. That’s just my opinion, anyway.

    And not all single parents moms are walking around desitute, broke, out of shape and irresponsible because they had children out of wedlock. Some of us were dedicated to the guy, had rings on our fingers, had meals cooked every night, held them down when things were tough, did all the right things, and they still left us high and dry. MANY of us are good women. Think about it.

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  32. Some of you parents are not fully equipped to be mothers or parents. Some of your kids are so bad they would give the girl from the last exorcist a run for her money.

    As a disciplinarian, a bad kid is a deal-breaker for me, since I can’t have the right to tear that bad azz up when he or she is unruly and think it’s okay to hit me.

    Y’all know what I am talking about.

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  33. Single parents should date other single parents, cuz no one wants someone else’s baby-momma/daddy drama.

    I thank the lawd I’m not in that kinds situation.

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  34. Some of the people out here are child molesters and should not be within a thousand feet of your children…

    Then you have the ‘dick-needy’ women who will put a man in the house because he can lay the pipe, only to find out that his ass is crazzzzzy and deranged!

    Get ur priorities together first people.

    Hi Ms. Tracy

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  35. Reading some of these comments are over the top. knowing some of the feelings of some people are just wild.

    My question for the single parents is….if you intend on being in a committed relationship, the husband/wife must be first or the relationship will not prosper.

    All these comments about my child comes first is the reason why there are so many single parents.

    People, the child is a constant, there is no need for this stupid heirarchy nonsense. until people learn the correct path, this discussion will continue forever.

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    1. You are EXACTLY right!!!

      This is exactly why black families are how they are right now, because of this kinda thinking.

      1) Kids will grow up having more respect for marriage itself, if the parents present themselves as united front — they will KNOW they can’t manipulate their parents by running game, and come correct.

      2)They will know that the other parent (step, or otherwise) is NOT to be disrespected, that they aren’t running anything, and to keep their butts in line. Trust me, they’ll grow up better for it! This is the point we are missing.

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  36. Tracy the man that sent you that email, is that him in da picture? Cause if it is girl you need not care if he had 15 chirren jump on him gurl. he fine.

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  37. Single parents is a very delicate subject. I’ve seen way too many parents who bring everyone they’ve dated around thier kids and that’s not cool. I’ve also seen my share of single people who have no real concept of dealing with a child on any basic level.

    Personally I believe that you shouldn’t date anyone with kids unless you really get all the trappings that come with it. And I strongly feel that parents shouldn’t bring or introduce thier children to anyone unless they are in a serious relationship with that person. Kids may be bratty about having someone new come around, but alot of them, particularly the younger ones, get very attached and are always hurt and confused when that person isn’t around anymore due to a breakup. For most people, dating when kids are involved is too complicated.

    It’s takes an exceptionally mature, respectful, loving, and patient individual to do what’s right by the kids at the end of the day. It also means that the other parent is mature too. Even then, sometimes it still doesn’t work out. I’ve known kids to be heartbroken, singles who stay in a bad relationship b/c they become attached to the kids, and single parents who feel that they will never find love again. Dating really suckz. I’m thankful everyday that I’m married. Good luck to all the single, responsible, hardworking parents out there!

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